When we are very young, we pick up injunctions from our parents or other influential figures in our very early life. Our parents unwittingly (in the vast majority of cases) pass on their own injunctions to us before we are able to process them, judge their value and decide whether or not they are useful for us. These injunctions then sit below the level of our conscious awareness and subsequently influence many of our life choices, options and decisions for large parts, if not all of our lives. They form our life script and what we believe is a direct result of them. The injunctions we can take on fall under the following broad categories:
- Don’t be / exist
- Don’t be you (gender)
- Don’t feel
- Don’t grow
- Don’t succeed
- Don’t be well
- Don’t be close
- Don’t think
- Don’t belong
- Don’t be a child
- Don’t be important
In many cases, these are not actually said directly in these words. We pick these up through how we are held and touched, what we hear, what we see in others and through our own innate intuition as humans. These are things we are forbidden. They are the opposite of the permissions we need to live a fulfilled life.
When I think back over my life, I definitely resonate with ‘Don’t feel’, ‘Don’t be close’ and ‘Don’t think’.
Showing emotion as a male child was frowned upon and whenever I cried, particularly from the age of 10, it was something that I tried to hide and was ashamed about. I inherited a reticence to hug people. We were not a ‘huggy’ family and for a long time, I didn’t do this with my own children enough. Lastly, I was brought up in an era when there was still a ‘children were seen, but not heard’ attitude. With some older members of my family, opinions were not always welcomed or regarded as not valid and we were told what to do rather than being allowed to think things through for ourselves. I will point out that I had a happy childhood and my parents provided a supportive and welcoming home. I didn’t want for much within the confines of their ability to provide it.
The thing is we all have these injunctions installed in us through the generations of our families. In most instances, our parents or other close family members are just doing the best they can with the resources they have e.g. their own injunctions, beliefs and other filters.
I’ve ripped up my script
In recent times, as I became aware of my injunctions. I’ve ripped up my script.
- Showing emotion is perfectly OK and I don’t care what people think if I shed tears of sadness or joy.
- I hug so much more now, You need 4 hugs a day for survival, 8 for maintenance and 12 for growth. Try hugging more, it’s great.
- I am allowed to have an opinion and to express my thoughts. I don’t expect everyone will agree with them and that’s OK. Just believing that I have the right to express myself and live my life in ways that I believe are useful is highly empowering.
If you think about your life, which of these injunctions still influence how you live it? How have you limited your choices and options because of them? What would it be like for you if you gave yourself permission to be someone or something else?
It isn’t easy to challenge and disrupt your script. It can be painful, emotional and scary. It requires awareness and courage and the strength to persevere, working on the understanding that the only way out is through. I can personally vouch that the effort is worth it. The realisation that you can live a life your way, free of the unwitting (or otherwise) influences of others. Making choices and decisions that are yours and lead you where you want to go.
So maybe you might find it worthwhile to reflect on your injunctions? Just becoming consciously aware that they exist in you, could be enough to start dislodging the beliefs attached to them and this could create more choice in your life to behave in ways that get you more of what you really want.
If you want real help in ripping up your script, then give me a call and we can talk through how you can get what you really want. For more information, contact me by clicking on the button below. You can schedule in a free ‘Freedom call with me where we will find out what you truly want, what’s stopping you from getting it and what possibilities exist for you to really do what you want to be able to do but can’t do yet.